2008年12月11日星期四

使人困惑的翻譯

看了中譯本《歐巴馬的夢想之路:以父之名》(Dreams from my father: a story of race and inheriatance)不到數頁,便急於再買英文版看,不是錢多,而是中譯本實在令人費解。現引一些例子如下:

二00四年版前言

1. 原文:
My wife and I bought a house, were blessed with two gorgeous, healthy, and mischievous daughters, and struggled to pay the bills. (pp.viii)

譯文:
同時我和妻子也買了房子,幸運地生下兩個漂亮、健康、淘氣的女兒,為柴米油鹽醬醋茶而努力。(頁29)

原文「my wife and I」把妻子放在句子前面,是西方人慣常的作法,譯文沒必要把它改為「我和妻子」。「為柴米油鹽醬醋茶而努力」的英文原文為「struggled to pay the bills」,struggle在這裡則不能解作「努力」,況且在中文裡,「努力」通常用於正面的事情,如「努力學習」等,不能說「努力為柴米油鹽醬醋茶」。此外,而「pay the bills」也不必冗長地譯作「柴米油鹽醬醋茶」。

試新譯如下:
妻子和我買了房子,有福氣地添了兩個漂亮、健康及淘氣的女兒,並艱難地繳付日常的各種賬單。

2.原文:
I had been warned, before taking office, that state politics lacks the glamour of its Washington counterpart; one labors largely in obscurity, mostly on topics that mean a great deal to some but that the average man or woman on the street can safely ignore(the regulation of mobile homes, say, or the tax consequences of farm equipment depreciation). (pp.viii)

譯文:
在上任前,我就不斷被告誡說,州的政務不像在華盛頓那樣的光鮮,不僅努力很難受注目,且大部份議題只對某些人有意義,一般老百姓根本不會注意(比如對移動住宅的規範,或農場設備折舊的稅制影響)。(頁29)

在中文裡,「光鮮」只形容人的衣著,不能形容政務;glamour直譯是「誘惑」或「魅力」,譯文並沒有譯出glamour的意思。而譯文中的「不僅努力很難受注目」,既與前一句的意思不銜接,而英文的原文並沒有這意思。mobile homes直譯為「移動式房子」,不宜譯為「移動住宅」,因此,「the regulation of mobile homes」譯為「移動式房子的規則」比較好。

3.原文:
Nonetheless, I found the work satisfying, mostly because the scale of state politics allows for the concrete results-an expansion of health insurance for poor children, or a reform of laws that send innocent men to death row-within a meaningful time frame.

譯文:
即便如此,我還是滿意工作上的表現,主要因經過一定的時間蘊釀,這個層次的政務反而更見成效,比如將貧困兒童納入健保,改革法律,不再使無辜者成死囚。

譯文中的「死囚」,英文的原文為「death row」,death row直譯為「死亡的陣營」,沒有「死囚」的意思。「within a meaningful time frame」也不宜譯為「一定的時間蘊釀」。

試新譯如下:
雖然如此,我對工作還是滿意的,主要是在有意義的時間框架下(即在州議員的任期內),在政務上有具體的成果,例如:擴展貧困兒童的健康保險;改革法律,讓無辜的男士不致被送到死亡的陣營上。

4.原文:
And too, because within capitol building of a big, industrial state, one sees every day the face of a nation in a constant conversation: inner-city mothers and corn and bean farmers, immigrant day laborers alongside suburban investment bankers-- all jostling to be heard, all ready to tell their stories.(pp.viii)

譯文:
還有就是,這是個工業大州,光是每天在議會大廳講不完的事情,就會看出一個國家的面貌:城內的貧民區母親、種玉米與豆子的農民、移民的打零工者以及郊區來的投資銀行家,所有人都爭著陳情,準備要講出他們的遭遇。(頁29)

譯文中除了把capitol building誤譯為「議會大廳」外,也未能譯出constant conversation及stories等重要字眼。inner-city mothers應為「貧民區的母親,不是「城內的貧民區母親」,immigrant day laborers應是「打零工的移民」,而不是「移民的打零工者」。

5.原文:
It was a difficult race, in a crowded field of well-funded skilled, and prominent candidates; without organization backing or personal wealth, a black man with a funny name, I was considered a long shot.
譯文:
這是一場艱難的選戰,在多有資金、有經驗的優秀候選人當中,一個名字可笑的黑人,沒有組織奧援,沒有個人財力,被認為勝出的機會渺茫。

譯文的意思實在令人費解,有很多語法不通之處,如「多有資金」,並不符合中文的習慣說法。而「I was considered a long shot」的意思也未見於譯文。

6.原文:
“Anyway, this poor fella--he was another African student, wasn’t he? Fresh off the boat. This poor kid must’ve been impressed with the way Barack was holding forth with this pipe, ’cause he asked if he could give it a try. Your dad thought about it for a minute, and finally agreed, and as soon as the fella took his first puff, he started coughing up a fit. Coughed so hard that the pipe slipped out his hand and dropped over the railing, a hundred feet down the face of the cliff.”

Gramps stops to take another nip from his flask before continuing. “ Well, now, your dad was gracious enough to wait until his friend stopped coughing before he told him to climb over the railing and bring the pipe back. The man took one peek down this ninety-degree incline and told Barack that he’d buy him a replacement—” (pp.6)

譯文:
「不管怎樣,這個倒楣的傢伙──也是從非洲來留學的,是吧?才剛來沒多久。可憐的孩子肯定是被巴拉克拿菸斗的架勢吸引住了,於是要求能不能讓他試試。你爸猶豫了一下最後還是同意了。結果這傢伙才吸了一口就一陣咳嗽,因為咳得太兇,菸斗從手中滑落,還掉出了欄杆外,下面可是一百呎深的懸崖。」
說到這兒,老爺子就著酒瓶又喝了一小口,接著說:「嗯,當時,你爸也很體貼地等到朋友不咳嗽了,才叫他爬到欄杆外把菸斗撿回來。這人往下一看是九十度的斜坡,只好跟巴拉克說他會買一個賠償──(頁41)

雖然replacement在文中有賠償的意思,但中文卻不宜直譯為「買一個賠償」,因為在中文裡,「賠償」多用於動詞,在譯文中「賠償」則成了名詞,並不符合中文的表達方式。

如此生硬的翻譯,大概是為了趕市場吧!

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